When it comes to fencing, hope and expectations play huge roles, just like they do in our everyday lives. And as with most endeavors in our personal lives, and of course, when it comes to our fencing children, how should we balance hope with expectations? If things go well when our children start fencing, should we have high hopes or develop high expectations? Are they healthy or detrimental to our children’s development?

I’ve been dealing with these issues a lot—both as a parent myself with each of my four fencing children and as someone who’s talked to and guided many parents on their journey as fencing parents. Without a doubt, I can claim that raising our hopes and lowering our expectations can lead to a more resilient and fulfilling fencing experience, both for our children and for us as their parents.

Let’s explore how these two ideas can majorly impact your fencing journey as a fencer or your children’s fencing journey if you are a parent and why embracing hope while keeping expectations in check is the secret to unlocking their true potential on the strip.

Hope: The Fencer’s Fuel

Hope is the driving force that keeps us going in fencing. It’s the unshakable belief that we can achieve great things, even when the odds seem stacked against us. Hope fuels our dreams of nailing that perfect parry-riposte, pulling off a lightning-fast fleche, snagging that hard-earned medal, qualification spot, national ranking, or a new rating. It’s the spark that lights up our passion and gets us excited to hit the fencing strip day after day, ready to take on new challenges and level up our game.

The awesome thing about hope is that it’s like a renewable resource. No matter how many tough losses we take or how many times we fall short, hope can always be replenished. Every practice, every bout, and every competition is a chance to recharge our hope batteries and reignite our fire. Fencing is a never-ending cycle of opportunities to grow and improve, and hope is the key that keeps us pushing forward.

When we approach fencing with a hopeful mindset, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. We become more willing to take on tough opponents, push past our comfort zones, and dream bigger than ever before. Hope inspires us to try out new techniques, experiment with different strategies, and embrace the process of learning and adapting. Through hope, we find the courage to step outside the box and discover what we’re truly capable of as fencers.

Expectations: The Double-Edged Sword

On the other hand, while hope is our trusty sidekick, expectations can sometimes be the villain in our fencing story. Sky-high expectations, in particular, can create a rigid and unforgiving mindset that doesn’t leave much room for growth or bouncing back from setbacks. When we demand nothing less than perfection from ourselves—winning every bout, scoring every touch, and claiming every title—we’re setting ourselves up for some serious disappointment and frustration.

Let’s be real: fencing, like life, is unpredictable. No matter how skilled or prepared we are, there will always be things we can’t control. Opponents might throw us off with unexpected moves, our equipment might decide to have a mind of its own, the referee might make a critical mistake at 14:14, an injury might happen in the middle of a bout, your most challenging opponent might be seeded low after the pools and you meet them in the table of 64, or we might just have an off day. There are myriad reasons why this specific competition wasn’t good. When we hold on too tightly to specific expectations, we risk getting crushed by the inevitable ups and downs that come with the sport.

Sky-high expectations can actually hold us back as fencers. If we get too obsessed with the end result, every mistake on the strip resonates in our minds like a thunderstorm, reminding us that we are farther from our goal. Plus, we miss all the valuable lessons and experiences we gain. Fencing isn’t just about winning; it’s about learning, improving, and having a blast while doing it. When we put too much pressure on ourselves to meet unrealistic expectations, we rob ourselves of the chance to truly embrace and grow from the challenges we face.

As a parent, the sure way to diminish our child’s chances to perform well in an upcoming competition is to threaten them that their bad result will close any door to Harvard. The picture that would play in the fencer’s mind would be that every touch scored against them slightly closes the door, inch by inch, until the final loss closes the door and locks it forever. Add to that an inner terror from realizing parental disappointment and all the money lost in the infinite drain of attending fencing practice and tournaments. Very few people will be able to perform under such high stress.

Building Resilience: The Hope and Expectations Balancing Act

So, how can we build resilience in our fencing journey? The secret is to crank up our hope while dialing down our expectations. By finding that sweet spot, we can roll with the punches and keep an optimistic and adaptable mindset, no matter what the sport throws our way.

First things first, let hope be your North Star. Approach every practice, every bout, and every competition with an open heart and a hopeful attitude. Understand that setbacks and losses aren’t failures but opportunities to learn and grow. Every time you step onto the strip, in practice, and most importantly, in competition, focus on the process. It can be sharpening your skills, trying out new techniques, taking some risks, and learning from everyone around you – your fellow fencers, opponents, coaches, referees, and whoever you interact with. Let hope fuel your determination to keep pushing forward, even when the going gets tough, because you love the thrill of the sport.

At the same time, lower your expectations to find freedom and resilience. Accept that perfection is a myth and that even the most accomplished fencers have their share of defeats and challenges. Look at the latest Olympics and see how many first-class athletes didn’t become champions. Instead of expecting a flawless performance every time, give yourself some wiggle room for imperfection and growth. Embrace the idea that every bout, win or lose, has valuable lessons and opportunities for self-discovery.

Hope and expectations greatly impact our experiences, both in fencing and everywhere else. If we nurture hope as an endless source of motivation while keeping our expectations realistic, we can cultivate a resilient mindset that will serve us both on and off the strip.

When we let go of the weight of unrealistic expectations, a whole new world opens up. We become more adaptable, willing to take risks, and more resilient when things don’t go according to plan. Fencing with hope allows us to approach every challenge with a sense of possibility and determination. It encourages us to learn from every bout, find joy in the journey, and never stop striving for personal growth. By keeping our expectations in check, we give ourselves the freedom to explore, experiment, and grow as fencers without the constant fear of falling short.

Amazingly, results will eventually come, not pushed by unrealistic expectations but by hopes.

Understanding this as a fencer is essential and even more critical as a parent.