In a competition in Washington DC, I witnessed a situation that immediately prompted me to write a post about it. Unfortunately, this is all too common in our sport, and I’ve never seen a competition without it. However, this time, the girl put it so eloquently in her response that I felt compelled to write about it.
It was a tense moment during a fencing match. A young athlete, let’s call her Sarah, found herself locked in a fierce Direct Elimination bout. As she faced her opponent, her coach offered guidance and encouragement from the sidelines. But alongside the coach stood her mother, eagerly seconding every word, often offering her own commentary, and even questioning the referee’s calls. The atmosphere was charged with intensity as the match progressed.
As the bout entered the third period, the score stood at 13-13. Both athletes were neck and neck, with victory hanging in the balance. Within the first few seconds of the third period, Sarah’s opponent scored a crucial touch, taking the lead 14-13. It was a pivotal moment, and tensions ran high.
Amidst the pressure, Sarah’s mother couldn’t contain herself. She shouted instructions, a mix of what the coach had said and her own observations. The cacophony of voices only added to Sarah’s confusion and frustration. Finally, unable to bear it any longer, Sarah turned to her mother and delivered a resounding “Mom, shut up! You confuse me!” The words reverberated through the convention center, cutting through the tension like a blade.
It was a moment of clarity amidst the chaos. Sarah’s plea resonated not just with her mother but with everyone present. It served as a stark reminder of the importance of boundaries and trust in the athlete-coach-parent dynamic.
While perhaps extreme, this scenario highlights a common issue in youth sports in general and fencing in particular (or maybe especially): overcoaching by parents. While it’s natural for parents to want the best for their children and to offer support during competitions, there are times when their well-intentioned efforts can do more harm than good.
I happened to witness this with another coach, when we both were watching this bout with an interest. When the girl said it to her mom, we both smiled and discussed the situation after the match, so here are some common reasons that we exchanged in our aftermath conversation for why parents should resist the urge to coach their child from the sidelines, especially when a coach is present. I’m not sure whether this list is comprehensive or if additional people (coaches, parents, athletes) will find more reasons why not, but still, these reasons are sound enough to realize your boundaries.