Parents have a huge vested interest in their children’s success. After all, this is most parents’ life mission – to prepare children for life and help them become successful. We try hard in every possible aspect of life – from studies to extracurricular activities, social circles, exposure, vacations, you name it. Sport is particularly one such aspect. In school sports, we rely a lot on school staff and coaches to guide our children, but once it comes to private club sports, such as fencing, a lot of supporting falls on parents’ shoulders. Fencing is quite a complicated sport that requires specialized knowledge and understanding, and parents often try their hardest to help their children navigate this journey.

While the “routine” aspects of supporting a young athlete might feel familiar – after all, getting your child to regular training sessions isn’t that different whether it’s fencing or taekwondo – competition support is where each sport reveals its unique challenges. And fencing, with its intricate rules, equipment requirements, and tournament formats, demands a special kind of parental support system that goes far beyond just showing up and cheering.

Let me share with you what I’ve learned about being that support system your young fencer needs during competitions. Trust me, it’s more than just driving them to the venue (though that’s important too, and don’t get me started on those early morning tournament drives when even the sun hasn’t decided whether it wants to wake up).

The Pre-Competition Marathon 

It starts long before the actual competition day. Remember when you thought being a parent meant just loving your child and making sure they eat their vegetables? Well, welcome to the world of fencing parents, where your job description now includes being a personal assistant, equipment manager, and more often than not even an amateur sports psychologist.

First, there’s the registration process. You’d think in our digital age, this would be straightforward, right? But between USFA memberships, tournament registrations, and those occasional last-minute email updates from organizers (which, by the way, always seem to arrive when you’re in the middle of something important), you need to develop a system. I’ve learned to keep a dedicated folder in my email just for fencing-related communications, and yes, I check it religiously the week before any competition. Because nothing’s worse than arriving at the venue only to discover there was a schedule change you missed, or notifications about food options, parking situation or myriad of other things you weren’t aware of but must know in advance.

Then there’s the equipment preparation. If you’re new to this, let me tell you – creating a checklist isn’t just helpful, it’s essential for survival. I’m not exaggerating when I say that forgetting a single piece of equipment can turn your competition day into a very expensive shopping spree at the vendor booths (if you’re lucky enough to have vendors at the tournament). Just recently I traveled with my son to a World Cup and when we were in the venue we found that he forgot to pack his fencing shoes. Trust me, there’s nothing quite like the feeling of reaching the venue after a two-days travel only to discover the fencing shoes were missing. But to replace the shoes any athletic sneakers would work in emergency. Think about reaching the venue after a two-hour drive and find out your child’s knickers are still hanging on the drying rack at home and there is no vendor. You can’t substitute them with anything generic like you can do with sport shoes.

Here’s something I’ve learned out of the necessity of packing four kids to competitions: help your child develop the habit of checking their equipment the night before. Don’t just do it for them – guide them through the process. Make it a ritual. Weapons? Check. Body cords? Check. Mask? Check. Clean uniform? Check. Spare everything? Double-check. And while you’re at it, make sure all the necessary documents are easily accessible on your or their phone – USFA card or any specific tournament requirements. Actually I recommend you keep their USFA card on both phones – you never know when and where you’ll need it. I also recommend downloading the most current version of the card, just in case. You can either mark them as favorites on your phone or even keep these in a separate photo album titled “Fencing Docs” because fumbling through your phone’s entire photo library while standing in the registration line might be a bit stressful.

The Competition Day 

Competition day is where the real fun begins. Timing is everything – you need to know the check-in time, when weapon check opens, and factor in traffic patterns to the venue if you drive. Add some extra time to whatever Google or Apple Maps say, just in case.

Another important aspect – if you travel and stay in the hotel, check with it the time for breakfast. Sometimes they open too late on weekends, often at 7am, and this is the time when you already need to be in the venue. If that a case, check what other options you have, preferably do it a night before. Oftentimes a nearby Starbucks opens early in the morning and while their breakfast is not as good as hotel’s eggs and bacon, their sandwiches are still a good alternative for a breakfast (here I must admit – unlike myself, my kids would prefer Starbucks sandwiches any time over any hotel breakfast. Go figure these modern kids.)

Once at the venue, your role transforms into something between a logistics manager and a silent supporter. If it’s a regional or national event with pre-competition equipment check, it’s better for you to stand in the line for the check, while your fencer warms up. Sometimes you will be hunting and then guarding chairs to sit on during the pools, sometimes you will be running to bring ice, or fix weapon, or fill a water bottle, or fetch paper towels from the nearby restroom to wipe spilled coffee, and trying to ensure your fencer stays hydrated and fed – there are plenty of helpful ways to make yourself busy and contribute to the wellbeing of your child. 

Speaking of food – don’t assume your child will feel hungry during competition. The adrenaline does funny things to their appetite, and I’ve seen too many fencers crash mid-way through DEs simply because they “didn’t feel like eating” between pools. I learned to always pack easily digestible snacks – bananas, granola bars, maybe some nuts. When I don’t, I try to immediately spot these coveted venue stores or vending machines at these convention centers, where a small pack costs like a good Sirloin steak in a Michelin-star restaurant. And yeah, don’t forget to  occasionally remind them to take a few bites between bouts, although I’m certain that for the price of a raisin and half a nut you just paid, you’ll make sure your child finished the whole thing.

About that repair kit – treat it like your competition day survival kit. Basic screwdrivers, spare tips, screws, springs, and white tape are absolute must-haves. Equipment emergencies have an uncanny ability to happen at the worst possible moments, and a perfectly working and compliant piece of your fencer’s gear becomes useless the very next bout. Even if you don’t know how to fix a weapon yourself (though trust me, you’ll learn more about weapon repair than you ever wanted), having these tools ready can be a lifesaver when your child needs help from a coach or a more experienced parent. If you are an epee parent, you’ll see your share of fallen screws. The best would be to teach your kid to do all the necessary repairs, but I guess I would need a whole another blog, or maybe even a whole series of blog posts on how to achieve this. I will be fantasizing in these blogs as I personally haven’t succeeded yet. And just in case, keep enough one dollar bills to tip the armorers in the venue, because sooner or later you’ll know all of them.

Video recording has become another essential parental skill, though I use the word “skill” loosely in my case. Here’s what I’ve learned: overdoing videos is not good. You don’t need to video record all the bouts of your child. I know it’s tempting to, but there is no point in that. You might want to do it from time to time, and for some ‘interesting’ bouts and for specific purposes. For example, when your child fences a particularly challenging opponent and you want your coach to review it. If your child is such a responsible athlete that they review their own bouts, congratulations! If, however, your child is like these poor 99.99% of kids that will never look at their own videos with an attempt to analyze their mistakes, unless threatened with grounding for a week, then save yourself a space on your phone memory and just enjoy their bout.

The Emotional Support Challenge 

This is perhaps the trickiest part of being a fencing parent, and it’s different for every child. Some fencers need space between bouts – they’ll put on their headphones and retreat into their own world. Others want to analyze every touch right after the bout, while some need a few minutes to process before they’re ready to talk. Learning what your child needs took me longer than I’d like to admit, and I still sometimes get it wrong. Also, this obviously changes with the fencer’s age – while the Y10 kids would welcome your constant presence, your Cadet fencer might prefer you getting lost in the venue parking for the entire duration of the competition (under condition, of course, that you leave your credit card with them).

That moment when your fencer walks off the strip after a loss is particularly delicate. Trust me on this one – that’s not the time for technical analysis or “constructive criticism.” Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be there, maybe hand them their water bottle and towel, and wait. They know exactly what went wrong – they’re probably replaying every touch in their head already. I’ve learned to watch their walk back from the strip – it usually tells you everything you need to know about whether they need a hug, space, or just someone to hold their mask while they catch their breath.

Between pools and DEs is another challenging time. Some fencers want to stay warm and focused, others need to completely disconnect and rest. I’ve seen parents trying to force their idea of “proper” competition behavior on their kids, and it rarely ends well. My own experience taught me that each fencer needs to find their own way to handle this time – whether it’s watching the social media posts, listening to music, or finding a quiet corner to reset.

The question of when to watch and when to step back is equally important. We all want to support our fencers, but sometimes our presence can add extra pressure. Some venues make this decision for you – with limited space around the strips, you might end up watching from wherever you can find a spot. In bigger venues, you might need to gauge whether being visible helps or distracts your fencer. This usually comes with experience and, yes, some trial and error.

And I don’t want to miss another important moment – your drive or flight home. Take all the above and multiply by a factor of ten, at least. Because this is the moment when your fencer is captive to you – they have no friends to talk to, no place to go, no other activity to do. They might be fully subjected to you – either your criticism or support. Choose well.

The Post-Competition Wrap-Up 

Before leaving the venue, always do one final equipment check. I know everyone’s tired and just wants to go home, but this is crucial. Make it a routine: every piece of equipment gets checked, no exceptions. I can’t count how many times we’ve almost left something behind in those post-elimination moments when everyone’s mind is already somewhere else. Count body cords and weapons – somehow these things have a tendency to multiply or disappear during competitions. You either come home with an extra one that definitely isn’t yours, or missing one that definitely was.

Pay special attention to those easily forgotten items – the water bottle left under a chair, the warm-up jacket lent to a teammate, the malfunctioned weapon that was left in referee’s possession on her table, or that mask that somehow migrated to the other end of the venue. And while you’re at it, check that you’ve collected all the chargers and cables from whatever power outlet you managed to claim during the day. These outlets are like gold during competitions, and I guarantee someone else has already spotted yours and is waiting for you to leave.

Packing up after elimination is also a moment that requires special finesse. Some fencers want to leave immediately after their last bout, while others prefer to stay and watch their friends or potential opponents. This is another one of those moments when knowing your fencer matters – sometimes a quick exit is the kindest thing you can do, other times forcing them to leave early can lead to regrets about not supporting their teammates or missing watching final rounds.

At multi-day events, this is also when you need to think about recovery and preparation for the next day. Immediately air your fencer’s uniform when you arrived home or at the hotel, check if any equipment needs repairs, and check what food options you have for dinner. By the way, never assume that the restaurant you counted on will be open or won’t have an hour-long wait – competition weekends have a way of coinciding with other events that fill up every decent restaurant within a five-mile radius.

At the end of the day, remember that your role as a fencing parent goes far beyond just getting your child to and from competitions. Sometimes you’ll find yourself driving four hours round trip for what turns out to be less than two hours of actual fencing time. You’ll learn to navigate tournament protocols, manage equipment crises, and, most importantly, gauge your child’s emotional state better than any psychologist. You’ll develop an uncanny ability to spot the nearest coffee shop in any convention center, find reasonable food and drink options for you and your athlete, and memorize the locations of every available power outlet.

But most importantly, you’ll be there to witness your child’s growth in this incredible sport. You’ll see them handle victories with grace, learn from defeats, help younger fencers with their equipment, and develop friendships that span different clubs, countries and years. This journey will teach them far more than just how to score touches – it’s about discipline, resilience, and sportsmanship.

And remember – no matter how many checklists you make or how prepared you think you are, something unexpected will always come up. That’s just part of the fencing parent experience. So keep those spare body cords handy, know where the nearest Starbucks is, and never, ever forget to check for the knickers before leaving home.