There are a thousand things that fencing moms do for us, from scheduling lessons to arranging our gear to cheering us on when we are competing. Our fencing moms make our world work, and we are so deeply thankful for them that we know we can’t repay their generosity and guidance. Fencing moms step in every day to keep fencers training, in a thousand little ways that we most probably don’t even know about. There is true magic around moms!
Though there is not ever a way to totally repay them for all that they do, we do try our best. This year, we decided to give them some jokes that might make them laugh and also let them know how much we see all the things they’re doing. Though we might not say it enough, we appreciate our fencing moms every day of the year.
We are not utterly original in our jokes, and some of them are free improvisations based on timeless classics, but hey, we righteously stole them at a swordpoint. 🙂
Now for the laughs!
1.
Jen: I think my mom is getting serious about cleaning my fencing uniform.
Ben: Why do you think that?
Jen: She’s learning to use a pressure washer.
2.
Fencing mom to her kid saber fencer: Please be careful to block your opponent from slashing your legs. If your legs get cut off, don’t come running to me!
3.
What did the digital fencing timer say to her mother?
Look ma! No hands!
4.
Why did the mother plane want to go to a fencing tournament for Mother’s Day?
She wanted to hang out on the strip!
5.
Teenage fencer: Mom, stop trying to make jokes. You aren’t funny.
Fencing mom: I made you, didn’t I?
6.
How do you get kid fencers to be quiet while mom drives them to a competition?
Say mum’s the word.
7.
One minute you are young and cool, maybe a little edgy, and the next minute you are researching the best way to clean ketchup out of fencing knickers.
8.
A fencing mom’s recipe for iced coffee:
Encourage your kids to join fencing.
Make coffee.
Forget you made coffee while you get them ready for practice.
Put the coffee in the microwave.
Forget you put the coffee in the microwave while you drive them to the fencing club.
Come home.
Drink the coffee cold.
9.
What kind of flowers do you give to a fencer who is a mom after she wins a bout?
Mums.
10.
What are the three quickest ways to spread the word about a kid who won a fencing bout?
The telephone, the internet, and their fencing mom.
11.
What did the lazy fencer say to their mom when she was cleaning his fencing bag on Mother’s Day?
Mom you should relax, you can do that tomorrow.
12.
I’m just a mom, standing in the kitchen trying to remember what I came in here for, but I can’t remember because my thoughts got interrupted 86 times by kids asking what time their zoom fencing lesson is.
13.
A fencer asked his mom what it was like to be a fencing mom.
So she woke him up at four-thirty in the morning on a Saturday asking him where her lucky fencing socks were.
14.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Yo mama.
Yo mama who?
Yo mama who knows you didn’t put away your fencing bag like she asked you to.
15.
Kid fencer: Mom, can I get that new Leon Paul fencing mask?
Fencing mom: I’ll think about it.
Narrator: But she wouldn’t think about it. She knew that the answer was always going to be no.
16.
What kids do when they can’t find their fencing gear:
17.
Fencing moms. You spend the first few years telling your kids not to poke each other with sticks, then they start fencing and you spend the next decade telling them to poke each other with more accuracy.
18.
My kids make me yell “Let’s go!” and “Come on!” so often that I feel like I’d be a great fencing coach.
19.
Fencing moms always let their kids choose their weekend activities. Unless they’ve already paid the registration fee for the competition.
20.
Why do fencing moms go to the eye doctor twice? Because they have eyes in the back of their head.
21.
When a fencing mom asks “Do you want to hear my advice on how to get better at fencing?”, it is not a real question. She is going to give you the advice no matter what you say, and you should listen.
22.
Silence is golden. Unless you’re the mom of two fencers, then silence is suspicious.
23.
Kid: Can I get a fancy new epee?
Fencing mom: Do I look like I’m made out of money?
Kid: Well, isn’t that what MOM stands for?
24.
My mom told me that I would never master my fencing form if I didn’t stop procrastinating on doing the drills that my coach gave me.
I told her, “Oh really? Well, just you wait.”
25.
You know you’re a fencing mom when you understand why the Mama Bear’s porridge was too cold.
26.
Motherhood is amazing, but have you ever had the house alone on a Saturday while the kids were away at a fencing competition?
27.
Never doubt a fencing mother! She can carry hand sanitizer, two gallons of water, register for Summer Nationals on her cell phone, pack snacks for practice, chat with the fencing coach, and still know that you left your fencing knickers on the floor of your room without stepping foot inside.
28.
What does a fencing mom use to cover the leftovers before she puts them in the fridge after dinner?
Foil.
29.
There is an old legend that says that if you stand in the locker room and yell “Mom!” three times that a woman will appear with your missing fencing gear.
30.
My fencing mom gave me the best gift that anyone has ever given me. She believed in me.
31.
I missed a point in my fencing bout and yelled “What the duck!” My mom was mad at me for using fowl language.
32.
No piece of fencing gear is ever really lost. . . unless mom can’t find it.
33.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Omelet.
Omelet who?
Omelet my awesome fencing mom sleep in today.
34.
What’s the difference between a superhero and a fencing mom? Superheroes are only heroes sometimes. Fencing moms are heroes all the time.
35.
Kid Arthur
Image credit: Scott Nickel
What are some jokes that you have to help your fencing mom smile? Make sure you tell them to her for Mother’s Day!
We cannot thank our fencing moms enough. You inspire us and help us to make our fencing dreams come true, and without you, we would not be where we are today. Thank you thank you!
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